


'Til Death Do Us Part

by shions_heart



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Failed Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Smut, Unrequited Love, one-sided rinharu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4174560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shions_heart/pseuds/shions_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin takes the news of Makoto’s proposal to Haruka much harder than he thought he would. He's torn, knowing he wants Haru to be happy, but also afraid of losing him. Thankfully, Sousuke won’t allow Rin to spiral into despair.</p>
<p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4150212">To Have and to Hold</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	'Til Death Do Us Part

**Author's Note:**

> I was informed that my tags were deceiving, so I fixed them to show that no, Rin and Haru do not get together at the end of this fic. Sorry! It's about Rin being torn between his feelings for Haru and his love for Sousuke. If that's not what you're looking for, please don't read it! I don't want to waste your time. :)

When Rin received Makoto’s text, asking him to come back to Japan to celebrate his proposal to Haruka, he was surprised at the way his chest seized and his stomach turned. Of course he should have expected this eventually. Makoto and Haruka were meant to be together. That had always been clear from the start. Yet it hadn’t stopped Rin from falling in love with the other boy the minute he swam with him.

He’d kept this love at a distance, trying to put it in perspective, but it only grew until it became an obsession. Racing against Haru became something Rin lived for, just seeing the way Haru moved in the water made him feel something stir deep within him. Of course the ties to his father were there as well, pressing him to fight, and when he went to Australia the first time and began to lose race after race, it wasn’t Haru that he knew would be disappointed in him. And it wasn’t Haru’s fault when Rin stopped swimming. Yet the thought of one day swimming again with Haru continued to burn in the back of his mind until it became a reality. And when it finally did, he’d been so happy.

Rin didn’t fully understand his feelings toward his friend. On the one hand he knew that their competitive nature toward each other would never allow for any sort of romantic relationship. If they’d ever tried, Rin knew that their friendship would most likely fall apart under the stress. Still, it didn’t stop his heart from beating faster whenever he saw Haru, nor did it quell the intense desire to have Haru fully and completely.

Which is why he was surprised when he found similar feelings rising in him toward his best friend. After having obsessed over Haruka for so long, it almost felt like betrayal to harbor feelings for Sousuke. But their relationship was different from Rin’s with Haru. There was something deeper there. And when they competed against each other, it was lighthearted and fun. Whenever they fought, they quickly made up again without any resentment. Rin realized that Sousuke understood him in a way Haru never had. And while this love built up over time, and was nothing like the intense heat that had immediately caught inside Rin when he’d first seen Haru, it was steadfast and sure.

Rin loved Sousuke. He knew without a doubt that he did. But the thought of losing Haru, even to someone as kind and thoughtful as Makoto, had him trembling on his bed, clutching his phone tightly. Up until now it’d been okay to be selfish. To think that Haru would always be there to swim with, to race against. To think that it was as much a dream for Haru to swim at the Olympics with him as it was for Rin. To sometimes fantasize that if Sousuke ever grew tired of him and left (something he feared but could never admit), Haru would be waiting for him.

But now Makoto would have him all to himself, and Rin dreaded the thought that he would move further down Haru’s list of priorities, until perhaps the dark-haired boy with eyes like the ocean would forget about him completely.

 

***

 

While he usually visited Sousuke first after arriving to Japan for a visit, this time Rin went immediately to Makoto and Haruka’s apartment. He lingered outside, able to tell that the engagement party was in full swing. He could hear Nagisa’s voice rising above the others, laughter surrounding it. He was probably telling one of his ridiculous stories, and Rin smiled faintly at the thought.

He knew he should go up and knock, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to face Haru amid everyone else. So instead, he turned to walk toward the ITSC Returns, texting Haru to meet him there. If he hadn’t lost him yet, Rin knew that Haru would come. It was selfish, he knew, drawing Haru away from a celebration meant for him. But he needed to talk to Haru alone. He needed to know that things wouldn’t be different between them from now on.

He needed to know that he still meant something to Haru.

Coach Sasabe was closing the club as he arrived, and it took some wheedling, but he finally got the man to allow him inside. Telling Rin to lock up when he was done, his former coach handed over the keys before leaving. Rin clutched them in his hand tightly, as he made his way to the pool.

For a while he stood staring at the water, remembering the time he’d spent here in the past. He remembered the relays, Makoto, Nagisa, Haru, and himself all swimming together, seeing amazing things they’d never seen before. It made his chest ache with a longing he’d thought he’d left behind, but at the same time he smiled.

“Rin.”

Turning quickly, Rin’s heart began to thud in his chest at the sight of Haru standing in the doorway. At the same time, relief surged through him. Haru had come to him. Maybe not all was lost.

Doing his best to hide these emotions, Rin stepped over to his friend.

“I didn’t pass the preliminaries for the Rio Games. I think it’s because you weren’t there,” he admitted.

Haru blinked. “I wasn’t ready for the Rio Games. I’d only been training for one summer.”

Rin waved him off. “Bullshit, but whatever. The games in Tokyo are coming up, and I thought we could have a practice run,” he said with a shark-toothed grin.

Haru didn’t reply, but he didn’t say no either. Instead, he began to strip out of his clothes. Looking away quickly, Rin did the same, until they were both only in their swimsuits.

“What style?” Rin asked, stepping onto the starting block.

“I only swim free,” Haru reminded him, which made Rin laugh.

“Of course. Free it is.”

Neither of them had to say anything. They both leaped off their blocks in unison. Rin struck out into the water with as much strength as he could muster, propelling himself forward. He could sense Haru beside him, which goaded him to move faster. A glance to the side revealed Haru’s face, the calm determination on it. It made Rin’s heart sing, and pure joy bubbled within him. It’d been so long since he’d swam with Haru, he’d almost forgotten how happy it made him.

They made the turn, swimming back toward the start. Haru began to pull ahead, but Rin quickly closed the gap. Together they stretched out their hands to touch the wall of the pool. Rin gritted his teeth. Haru was still ahead by a hair. But at the very last second, Rin saw Haru hesitate, and his own palm slapped against the concrete first.

Lowering his feet, Rin stood with a sputter, scowling at Haru as the other boy stood as well.

“What the hell was that?!” he snapped, the happiness from earlier replaced with anger. “You let me win!”

He couldn’t read Haru’s expression. He stared into the water, the drops falling from his hair. As he turned his face away, Rin reached forward to grab his arm, jerking him forward. “Look at me! Why did you do that?”

“You’re upset.” Haru’s voice was soft, barely perceptible.

“Hell yeah, I’m upset! You didn’t swim fairly. You ruined it!” Rin felt his heart hammering in his ears, the blood rushing across his face. The hand the held Haru’s arm trembled, and he tightened his grip in an attempt to make it stop. Haru never let him win. He knew how important racing against him was to Rin. So why had he hesitated?

“No.” Haru sighed. “You’re upset about me and Makoto.”

Rin froze, staring at his friend’s gloomy expression. He quickly let him go and backed away. “How . . . you can’t know for sure that that’s what’s upsetting me.”

“I thought winning would make you feel better.”

“Shut up!” Rin seethed. Since when did Haru become so perceptive? He’d been spending too much time around Makoto, which was a thought Rin immediately scolded himself for. He told himself that this wasn’t Makoto’s fault. Makoto was a good person who simply loved Haru. It was Haru’s fault for loving Makoto back.

“You don’t know how I feel,” Rin snapped, moving to get out of the pool. He sat on the edge, feet dangling in the water. His hands gripped the concrete on either side of him.

Haru remained in the water for a moment longer, before he slid out to sit beside Rin, so close their shoulders touched. Rin suppressed a shiver.

“I know because I feel the same,” Haru admitted quietly. “I’m afraid of losing you. Though I keep reminding myself that I lost you a long time ago.”

Rin sniffed, glancing sidelong at his friend with a confused frown. “What are you talking about? You haven’t lost me.”

Haru smiled vaguely, turning his face away then. “When I first discovered you and Yamazaki were together, I was upset. I didn’t think he was good enough for you, and I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want our friendship to change. I wanted you to still want to swim with me. But then I realized that you and Sousuke . . .” He sighed. “He’s good for you. He cares about you better than I ever did.” He shook his head.

Rin could only stare, not sure where all this was coming form. “Just swimming with you was enough for me,” he admitted in a small voice. “You didn’t have to care about me.”

Haru frowned. “That’s not fair to you,” he said, turning his face back to look at him. “I knew that I’d always be drawn to Makoto, despite whatever I felt for you. I could never tell if I simply loved swimming with you, or if I actually loved you as well. But with Makoto there’s never been any confusion. And if I was to try to be with you, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to give myself to you fully, not the way Sousuke can.”

Rin felt as though someone had punched him in the stomach. Never in all the years he’d known Haru had he expected to hear those words come out of his mouth. It was quite possibly the most Haru had ever said to him at one time. Rin could feel the tears welling in his eyes, though he tried valiantly to hold them back.

“I love you,” Rin said quietly, the words forcing themselves out past the deep ache in his chest before he could reconsider them.

Haru flushed, ducking his head and looking away again, a gesture of embarrassment that Rin knew well. “I know,” he replied gently. “I’m sorry.”

Rin found himself moving forward, wrapping his arms around Haru’s shoulders tightly, as he pressed his forehead against the side of Haru’s head. He trembled as he continued to push back the tears, though they began to slip out anyway. Haru rested one hand on his back, not moving to touch him other than that. It was enough, though, and Rin cried softly.

Haru’s words had been ones Rin had longed to hear for years, but he’d said them wrong. This wasn’t what Rin had wanted, but this was reality, and he tried to comfort himself with the fact that Haru did care about him deeply. That could be enough, couldn’t it?

“I don’t want you to forget about me,” Rin admitted through his tears, clutching Haru closer. “I don’t want you to stop swimming with me. I want our dreams to remain the same. I want us to fulfill our dreams together.”

“I’m not going to forget about you,” Haru said firmly. “And I’m still going to swim with you. That dream hasn’t changed. It just . . . it just involves Makoto now too. Somehow I think it always did, in a way.”

Rin didn’t want to hear about Makoto. He wanted to hate the other man, but he knew he couldn’t. Nobody could possibly hate Makoto. He was sunshine incarnated.

“You and Makoto belong together,” he relented. “I’ve known that ever since I first met the two of you. I just didn’t want to be nothing to you.”

“You’ve never been nothing to me. And you never will be.”

Rin pulled back slightly to look at Haru’s profile. Biting his lip, he touched Haru’s chin, turning his face toward him. Knowing it was a bad idea, but simply wanting to know what it felt like, to know what it tasted like, just once, he leaned forward and kissed Haru deeply.

Haru didn’t stop him, but he also didn’t return the kiss. He simply sat there as though he were a statue. Rin clutched Haru’s shoulders, pressing into him more urgently, begging for the other man to respond.

_Please. Please, let me at least have this. Just a piece of this._

Tears streamed down Rin’s cheeks, as Haru finally reached up to gently push Rin away.

“Rin.”

Rin pressed his forehead against Haru’s shoulder, unable to look at him as the shame filled him. His heart was breaking, and he was falling apart. He didn’t know what to do, so he just did what he usually did when he was at a loss: he got angry.

“Just go,” he growled, pulling back and shoving Haru’s shoulder, turning his face away.

“Rin.” There was some regret in Haru’s voice, but Rin didn’t want to hear another apology.

“LEAVE!” he shouted.

Haru did.

Rin sat there, squeezing his eyes shut, as he listened to Haru stand, gather his clothes, and exit the pool area. Rin slid back into the water, ducking underneath to yell his frustration and pain, bubbles of air escaping his mouth in a violent burst. He struck out then, swimming from one side of the pool to the other, over and over again until his limbs couldn’t take it anymore.

He finally burst out of the water, crawling back onto the floor beside the pool. His chest heaved, and he turned onto his back, folding his arms over his face. More hot tears spilled down his cheeks. He’d been resigned to Haru never loving him, but to know that he _had_ loved him, and perhaps _did_ still, but was choosing Makoto over him, hurt more than he could truly express.

“So you’re really throwing a tantrum over this?”

Rin inhaled sharply, recognizing Sousuke’s disapproving tone. He didn’t lift his arms to look, the shame filling him once more as he remembered how he’d kissed Haru, confessed his love to him. He recalled Haru’s words, about how Sousuke was better for him, and wondered if he’d ruined that now too.

He was a mess.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice hoarse from all the underwater yelling he’d done.

“Nanase told me you were here.”

Rin didn’t reply, his chest burning with a sensation he hated. It felt tight, squeezing his ribs and lungs. He took a shuddering breath, trying to relieve the pressure. A warm hand took one arm, attempting to tug it down from Rin’s face. Rin resisted, pulling back to keep his face hidden.

“Rin!” Sousuke snapped, irritation lacing his tone. “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, Rin lowered his arms to look up at Sousuke, who was sitting beside him, leaning over to look down at his face. Rin swallowed hard, unable to hold his gaze. He looked away toward the water.

“You’re so annoying,” Sousuke complained. “Nanase is just getting married. It’s not like he’s going off to war. He’s not dying. Stop being so dramatic. You’re not losing him.”

“It won’t be the same.”

“Things change. It happens. People grow up. Some of them do anyway.”

Rin ignored the jab, closing his eyes again.

“Come on, Rin. You’re stronger than this. You told me yourself that your life doesn’t revolve around Haru. So stop acting like it does. Stop being selfish and let Nanase and Tachibana be happy without you ruining it with your theatrics. They invited you to their party, didn’t they? They still want you to be a part of their lives, so stop acting like you’re losing something.” Sousuke’s tone sounded more worried than his words implied, and Rin thought again to how Haru had said the man was good for him.

He swallowed hard. “I kissed him,” he admitted softly, cringing even as he said it. He opened his eyes slowly, watching the expressions of disbelief, anger, and then resignation move across Sousuke’s face. It was the resignation that hit Rin the hardest.

The dark-haired man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, as though fighting a headache. “I see,” he said in a low voice. He moved to stand, pushing his hands into his pockets, as he looked toward the door. “Well . . . I suppose that makes sense.”

Rin felt the guilt twist in his stomach. He stood quickly, though careful not to slip on the slick surface. “Don’t do that,” he begged. “Don’t pull away. It was a mistake. I’m sorry. I was upset. I did think I was losing him, and I wanted . . . I don’t know. I wanted to know what it felt like at least once.” He swallowed hard. “It was stupid. I’m an idiot.”

He braced himself for Sousuke to turn away, to tell him that everything was over now between them. He couldn’t stand the thought of that. But nothing happened. Sousuke just stood there, frowning at the exit.

Rin stepped forward, grabbing Sousuke’s shoulders, careful not to press too hard on his injured one. “Sousuke, look at me!” he begged. “I need you. I know I’m selfish, but you’re my best friend. I _can’t_ lose you. I love you. Please . . .” He bowed his head, knowing he’d probably ruined everything. “Please.”

He heard Sousuke sigh, then felt the warmth and pressure of his hand against the back of his head, strong fingers stroking through his hair.

“You _are_ an idiot,” Sousuke said quietly. “As if something a small as a kiss would make me leave. I’ve known from the beginning how strong your feelings are for Nanase. I’ve never denied them, just tried to accept them. It was easier once you confessed your feelings to me. I thought . . . I can work with this. I can deal with being second in Rin’s heart, so long as I was there at all.” He chuckled softly. “Pathetic, I know.”

Rin lifted his head, meeting Sousuke’s kind blue-green eyes with his red-rimmed ones. “You’re not second,” he said, shaking his head. “I wasn’t thinking when I kissed Haru. I-I’ll admit that my feelings for him are strong, but you come first to me. You’re first in my heart.” He gripped Sousuke’s shoulders, curling his fingers into the fabric of his shirt. “I promise. You’re my pillar. You keep me grounded; you encourage me when I doubt myself. I need that. I need _you_.”

Sousuke smiled, moving his hand to cup Rin’s cheek. “Idiot,” he said fondly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m with you until the end of the line.”

He moved to kiss Rin, firm and resolute. Rin shivered, though from the kiss or the cold that was starting to register to his soaking body, he wasn’t sure. Sousuke must have thought it was because of the cold, because he pulled away.

“Maybe we should—”

“Shut up.” Rin wrapped his arms around Sousuke’s neck, leaning forward to kiss him deeply. He tried not to get Sousuke too wet, but the other man encircled him with his strong arms and pulled him close to his chest, not seeming to mind his clothes growing damp.

“We should get you out of this swimsuit,” Sousuke murmured against Rin’s lips.

“Great idea.”

Sousuke moved to pick him up, which surprised Rin. He clung to his boyfriend as the man walked toward the locker rooms. He stopped by the cabinet that held the towels, grabbing one, never letting go of Rin in the process. On his part, Rin buried his face in Sousuke’s neck, peppering it with tiny kisses and sucks. He felt gratified as Sousuke moaned softly and leaned his neck away.

“Isn’t this supposed to be me showing you how much I love you?” he asked with a soft chuckle, setting Rin down on one of the benches in the locker room.

“That’s boring,” Rin complained. “I want to do things to you.”

“You do plenty to me.”

“You know what I meant.”

Grinning faintly, Sousuke pulled down Rin’s swimsuit, taking it off him and hanging it up to dry on the door of an open locker. He turned then, wrapping the towel around Rin’s slender shoulders, rubbing his hands over the towel to dry him off. Rin protested weakly.

“I’m not a child. You don’t need to do this,” he complained.

“Sneezing and runny noses are not cute,” was all Sousuke said in response. He sat down then, pulling Rin into his lap. He nuzzled the boy’s damp hair, keeping one arm wrapped around his back, as the other snuck through the folds of the towel to wrap around Rin’s length.

Rin gasped, biting his lip and closing his eyes, as Sousuke began to stroke him with an expertise that had him hard and throbbing within minutes. He buried his face in Sousuke’s neck once more, moaning against it.

He’d been so terrified of Sousuke leaving, that it seemed strange that this was happening right now. Still, he didn’t protest the change of atmosphere, but instead welcomed it, relaxing against Sousuke as his fear was replaced with love and pleasure. He murmured Sousuke’s name, and the man responded by gripping him more firmly and moving his hand faster. 

Rin reached up, resting his hand on Sousuke’s cheek, pulling his face down to his in order to kiss him with all the adoration and longing he felt just then. Sousuke kissed him back eagerly, his teeth nibbling at Rin’s bottom lip. Rin moaned, his hips lifting some into Sousuke’s hand.

“I-I want . . . I want you inside of me,” he panted against Sousuke’s lips.

“We don’t have the necessary equipment for that here,” Sousuke pointed out with a gentle laugh.

“Ugh, I don’t care,” Rin said, shaking his head.

“You’ll care when you can’t sit tomorrow.” Sousuke turned his head, grazing his teeth against Rin’s earlobe. His fingers rolled over his tip, before moving back down again. “Just relax, Rin-chan,” he murmured against his ear, sending shivers down Rin’s spine. “This is enough.”

“Maybe for you,” Rin muttered, but then Sousuke kissed him again, cutting off any more protests.

Rin rolled his hips some more, and Sousuke’s hand was relentless. An intense heat rose up inside him, broiling and curling in his abdomen. He wanted to last longer, but it was difficult when Sousuke knew just the right way to fondle him. His body trembled as he reached his climax, and he cried out softly, a sound that was swallowed by Sousuke’s insistent mouth.

When Sousuke finally leaned back and pulled his hand away, Rin sagged against him, breathing hard.

“We should head back. They’re waiting for us at the party,” Sousuke said, brushing his lips against Rin’s cheek and temple.

“Not so fast,” Rin said, shaking his head. “I can feel you underneath me. You’ve got to be taken care of too sometimes, you know.”

Sousuke raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t protest, as Rin got off his lap and moved to kneel on the floor between Sousuke’s legs. He dropped the towel, it was covered in his come anyway, and he tried not to feel bad about that, swearing to himself that he’d take it home and wash it. Filing that away for later, he pulled down Sousuke’s zipper and unfastened his pants, pulling his hard member out of its confines.

Sousuke bit his lip, watching him, and Rin gave him a faint grin, before ducking his head and running his tongue along the hot, sensitive skin. He knew to be careful with his teeth, not wanting to accidentally pierce him. But Sousuke didn’t seem to mind as they gently brushed against him. Instead, his hand moved to the back of Rin’s head, gripping the strands as a low moan sounded. Rin ignored the tugs, focusing instead on moving his lips and tongue over Sousuke as artfully as he could.

He knew he wasn’t as good at this as Sousuke was. The other man usually did this for Rin. He was always so attentive, this one. It caused Rin’s chest to ache, because it was so obvious that Sousuke adored him, and Rin felt rather guilty that he had so little to offer in return. He had feelings for someone else; and no matter how much he told Sousuke that he loved him and that he came first, it didn’t change that fact. 

But Rin needed Sousuke. He knew that he did. And he knew that he truly loved him. Regardless of how he felt for Haru, his feelings for Sousuke were real. He knew that they were. He just needed to get better at showing this truth.

“Rin,” Sousuke moaned, his other hand gripping the edge of the bench beneath him, so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

_I love you, Sousuke. No matter how I feel about Haru. No matter how many times I fuck up. Please believe me. Please stay with me. Please love me._

Rin wanted nothing more than to stand and sit down on top of Sousuke, to ride him until they were both shaking and crying out from the pleasure. But he knew that without lubrication it would hurt like hell, and Rin wasn’t really feeling like more pain just then. So instead, he focused on lavishing Sousuke’s erection before him, glad to hear that his ministrations were working, as Sousuke gasped and squirmed and moaned.

He came a few minutes later, and Rin remained where he was, until Sousuke finished. Then he lifted his head, swallowing. He wiped his mouth with the edge of the towel, before moving to stand. “How’s that for taking care of you?” he asked with a smirk.

Sousuke didn’t respond. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Rin and pulled him close, burying his face in the slighter man’s stomach. Rin, not having expected that response, stood still for a moment, before he placed his fingers in Sousuke’s hair and stroked the sweaty strands gently.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he said quietly, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

“Don’t be sorry.” Sousuke breathed a soft sigh, before moving to stand. He fixed himself back up, grabbing the swimsuit to hand it back to Rin. “We should head back,” he said again.

Rin took the suit. It was still damp, which meant he’d have to go commando. He decided he’d just have to be careful not to look at Sousuke too much while he was at the party. He picked up the towel, bunching it up. He was about to tuck it under his arm to wash later, when Sousuke took it from him.

“Eh?” Rin blinked up at him, noticing the slight flush on Sousuke’s cheeks.

“I’ll wash it,” he said. “You don’t want to fly a plane with this stinking up your bag.”

Rin smirked. “You just want it to jerk off to later,” he teased.

“Shut up.” Sousuke pushed his head away gently, turning then to walk back toward the pool. He picked up Rin’s clothes, handing them over to him. Rin dressed quickly, and the two of them left the club, Rin remembering at the last minute to lock up behind him.

When they got to the apartment, Rin had a hard time looking Haru in the eye, but the other man didn’t appear angry or upset at all. And once the party was over, and Rin and Sousuke were taking their leave, Haru actually stepped up to give Rin a brief hug.

“Be happy,” he told Rin as he pulled away. “That’s all I want for you.”

Rin gave him a crooked smile. “Have fun being the housewife,” he said, completely able to see Haru as the one to cook and clean around the apartment.

Haru’s cheeks colored faintly, and Rin laughed, giving him and Makoto a slight wave, before he exited with Sousuke.

“Do you think that’ll ever be us?” Sousuke mused, as they walked down the steps to Sousuke’s car.

Rin shrugged, never really having thought about marriage. Though now that Sousuke brought it up, he realized he wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea. “I guess we have time to find out,” he said then.

Sousuke gave him a smile and reached for his hand, giving it a small squeeze. “I guess we do.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll never get tired of writing for these swimming nerds.


End file.
